


Mama Loves You and She Always Will

by RougueShadowWolf



Series: 15 Minutes [128]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Child Abuse, F/M, Hurt Stiles, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-21
Updated: 2016-03-21
Packaged: 2018-05-28 04:08:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6314656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RougueShadowWolf/pseuds/RougueShadowWolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Claudia loved her son, she loved her more than anything, but she was slowly turning into someone who didn’t recognize the little boy as hers or even as a human. And so she had no choice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mama Loves You and She Always Will

**Author's Note:**

> Oh my dear reader who has stumbled into this pit of misery, welcome to the world of 15minutes stories, this one was requested by Ungodly-Unicorn a fic with Claudia’s POV or about Claudia when she starts to become sicker and more vicious towards Stiles. Now I messed-up because she asked for something in the lines of Stilinski’s choice or Be Good for Mama and well not this, BUT she still liked it even though it wasn’t what she’d wanted.   
> I honestly feel bad for Claudia in this one, like that’s a first I know, but I really feel bad for her in this one.

She’d hit him. She’d struck her son not once, not twice but numerous of times until something had clicked inside her head banishing the frightened paranoia that clouded her ability to think reasonably. Her son is curled-up on the floor covering his head which no longer held that lovely mop of messy hair she’d always loved to comb her fingers through but now it was buzzed sorrowfully short and Claudia couldn’t recall when this change had happened.

Her baby was crying on the floor curled-up as tightly as possible while repeating the slightly muffled words of, ` I’m sorry, mama.´

`Oh my God.´ Claudia gasped in horror before tears of despair start their guilty travel. Claudia drops down beside her child who was the dearest thing in her doomed life, the more her baby boy apologizes which he need not say for he’d done nothing wrong; now as Claudia could see what she’d become capable of doing while her illness proceeded to claim territory over the plains of her brain she began to recall what had happened before she’d turned so viciously against her son, all Stiles had done was make her a cup of tea and asked her if she wanted cheese on her sandwich since she’d been unable to feed them all day the reason for it was simply because she’d thought she’d done it, just that simple question of, `Mama, do you want cheese or just turkey?´ had caused something dark and cruel erupt from within her distressed mind. Claudia couldn’t see where the cup had hit her son in the face but she remembers throwing it at him with the intent to blind the little monster trying to poison her, she knew things could’ve been worse for both her and Stiles at the moment if she’d realized that stabbing the monster would’ve killed it faster than hitting it with the wooden spoon and kicking it would, and that thought that it could’ve been worse has her blood running cold and panic grasping at her heart so firmly she can’t even breathe; all she would’ve had to do was grab the knife of the kitchen counter and start stabbing at the imaginary monster and she would’ve come back to reality with a dead child at her feet.

`Oh my God, Stiles,´ Claudia weeps as she reaches for her son desperate to try and comfort her darling boy to make the hurt go away but he however flinches and a sound of pure fear leaves her precious little boy who’d become the light of her life from the moment she’d held him in her arms, it shatters her heart to see her little brave little boy expecting her to hurt him again and Claudia knows it now in her bones that this was not the first time she’d turned on her son; for the past month or so, perhaps longer as time no longer seemed to make sense to her, Stiles had started to have more and more bruises on him and every time she or his dad asked him how he’d managed to get them he’d always say, `I’m clumsy,´ or `Scott and I were playing.´

Seeing the marks new and old blemishing the otherwise pale skin of her child Claudia is starting to realize she’s turned into a monster that could attack at any moment.

`I’m so sorry baby.´ Claudia whimpered as the amount of tears increased, her hands no longer reaching for her child instead one was now covering her mouth as if each exhale was spreading further shame and disgust into the world, as if her madness was a form of bacteria living inside her lunges and taking flight as she continued to breathe and cry, the other hand resting gently above where her wretched heart was still beating even after the harm she’d caused.

`I’m sorry. I’m so sorry baby.´ Claudia cried over and over again and with each apology she felt worse which she deserved to feel after the horrors she’d made her son experience, and now as she sat there on her aching knees she had to wonder how many nights had she been the monster in Stiles’ dreams that had him waking-up at all hours of the night screaming not for her as he’d done in the past before she became so ill enough to start having paranoid thoughts but for his father.

Although Claudia doesn’t deserve Stiles forgiveness or his love her son still uncurls his surely aching body and timidly climbs up into her lap, it’s such a familiar act even when done with the cautiousness brought on by abuse that had to have gone on longer than a day or two, hearing her son tell her how everything was alright when it really wasn’t and telling her how he loved her when she honestly didn’t deserve to be loved by her son anymore or her husband; she can’t help but hold her son tightly as he reaches up to hug her, she didn’t even care that he was bleeding over her dress as all Claudia needed was to make sure her little boy who’d been taking over so many of her duties without being asked, he helped with the clean and but a moment ago he’d made an attempt to make sure she had something to eat.

They sit there on the messy floor for at least ten minutes, Claudia crying and her son trying to comfort her as best he could. Once she’s calmed down they clean up the mess before Claudia makes Stiles a bath, he doesn’t want her there with him but she stays desperate to clean him up and just do something to show Stiles how much she still loves him, but the second she sees his skinny naked body she feels sick because Claudia knows that not even half of the old bruises had been born from roughhousing with Scott or stumbling around all over the place; she ends up crying once more and hugging her son while apologizing , and Stiles he continues to comfort her.

Forced to face the fact that she’d become a danger to her child Claudia decides to do the last good and proper thing she could do for her child even if it would destroy her in the process, after tucking Stiles down in her and John’s bed Claudia watches over her son for an hour before making her way downstairs mind set.

He’s exhausted, she can tell as much just by the time it takes for him to get from his car all the way into the house, she knows by the way he moves and the way he sighs while removing his jacket, and as she walks over to him she can tell he’s visibly drained and a part of Claudia thinks she should wait for a better time than this but then another part that truly fears what she might do to her son one day demands her to just say what needs to be said.

`I can’t stay here with you and Stiles anymore.´ Claudia says far too bluntly, and it’s nothing like the lines she’d written and said out-loud for the past two hours, `it’s not safe.´ those words had been gentler this was just ungraceful.

John pauses for a minute and just looks at her like he’s finally realized she’s crazy, and she thinks foolishly he’d accept what she’s asking off of him but then he shakes his head and just says, `No.´ Just like that he makes it known that this is a topic they will not touch ever but this is something Claudia can’t just allow be pushed into the back of the closet never to be brought out into light again, and so she says with an air of desperation, `John please.´

`No.´ John snaps at her, ` We agreed – we agreed you’ll stay here with me and Stiles.´ he continues to say stubbornly, he’s so tired that he sways where he’s standing, Claudia has to wonder if he’d been working double shifts again and she just hadn’t noticed.

`Please, John.´ she half-begs while grabbing him by the arm when he makes a move to head in the direction of the kitchen, `I can’t – we can’t risk me hurting Stiles again.´ John goes perfectly still at that and from what she can see of his face that she thought looked years older than what he truly was, from what she can tell he’s suddenly a couple of shades paler but it’s his gaze that is the most haunting as it was glued to the floor, then as if struck by lightning he jerks away from her and bolts upstairs screaming the name of their son, in his tracks and his face has gone pale while his gaze is on the floor, its only then as he runs that Claudia sees the now dried drops of blood on the floor and she too fears the worst after all had she only hit her son? Had he actually helped her clean the mess in the kitchen? Or had she done something far worse?

They both let out a sob of relief when a sleepy and confused little boy wearing one of his daddy’s t-shirts comes stumbling out of their bedroom dragging with him Claudia’s pillow. Stiles was alive very much so, but there were terrible bruises covering his slightly swollen face and the tiny mouth with sweet little lips that gave the cutest little kisses had a small cut not to mention one of Stiles teeth had been knocked out. John rushes over to their son and scoops him up, and the man who faced criminals with guns and knives held his son while trembling like an autumn leaf in a light breeze.

`What happened?´ John asks her anger burning in his eyes in away she’d never seen before, not even when she forgot Stiles at the store or at the park after she’d dragged Stiles out on an adventure in the middle of the night and came back and hour or so later without their son, `Answer me! What did you do Claudia!?´ Claudia would answer if she wasn’t so shocked by the fact that John had yelled at her, he never yelled at her or Stiles.

`I made mama a cup of tea and I tripped.´ the lie drops from Stiles’ lips far too easily to not make her wonder how often had he lied to them about where he’d got all of his bruises, but this little lie doesn’t even cover half of the bruises that are there for all to see that night and John knows it and so he asks her again, `Claudia what happened? ´

`I hit him.´ is all she needs to say for John to hiss out furiously, `He’s just a boy, Claudia, a little boy? How could you.´

`No.´ Stiles protests loud tears in his eyes, `No, not mama’s fault. I was being bad and…´ Claudia breaks down crying then and makes a move towards her husband and son but John steps back and although it hurts to see him no longer trusting her she’s also grateful for it because it will guarantee that John would no longer believe that the bruises on their baby’s skin were made from tripping and falling or roughhousing with Scott.

~*~*~*~

It takes a couple of days before Claudia gets a bed away from home naturally there’s a part of her that wants to go back on her decision when she’s inside the small room that will be hers from now and until the end however long that might take. The miserable room could’ve been painted bright yellow and still feel like a place where the unwanted were locked away. Still regardless of Claudia desire to turn back to her husband and tell or beg him to take her home she could not bring herself to do so when she looked at her little boy who was still sporting marks from her vicious tack days ago, but also a bump on his head after she’d grab him and thrown him down on the floor; Claudia honestly didn’t remember doing it but John had seen it happen, apparently she’d started to cry the anxiety of her predicament becoming too much to bare and Stiles ever loving and ever faithful had come to comfort her, she’d held him tightly and cried against her shoulder while John went to grab her medication and as he walked into their bedroom she’d just stopped crying as if someone had pushed a button and the next Claudia had thrown their son to the floor, Claudia doesn’t remember any of it but she’s felt the bump and John had been no longer left her alone with their son.

Looking at her son who still had bruises and cuts left to remind her of what she’d done helps to remind Claudia why she can’t go back home, and so she continues to unpack her belongings and Stiles helps although he’s strangely silent and slow in his movements, and once everything is unpacked he just stays glued to her side.

Although they’d talked to Stiles about this, explained to him about her leaving their house and going to stay somewhere where people can take care of her the word properly not used until Stiles said he could do it; her son was but a babe still and yet he’d offered to take care of her even after they explained to him he couldn’t see Scott anymore if he had to take care of Claudia Stiles said he could and would, the word properly had silenced him and made him frown.

They had talked to him, explained things, not sugar coating it but also leaving out the fact that she would never come home again and that she would just get worse as time passed, but it was clear that the fact that Claudia not coming home with them hadn’t entirely settled itself in Stiles mind and so when it’s time for Stiles and John to leave the bruised boy refuses to accept it.

It breaks Claudia’s heart when Stiles clings to her and refusing to let go unless she’s in the car with them, her clever boy was wise to their tricks it seemed and knew not to trust them when they told him lies such as, `Alright, son, but you need to let go of mama so she can get her things,´ or `Fine baby, but you need to let go so we can go.´ It shatters what’s left of her soul when her son begs her to come home with him desperate tears running down his beautiful face, it hurts her heart to listen to how her darling boy swears he would behave and be better if she just came home, and she can’t help but cry when he promises he doesn’t mind it if she gets a bit mad at him because he loves her.

It hurts like nothing before when John starts to extract their son from her and when the orderlies have to do the same to her when her instincts scream for her to hold on, to just hold on to her baby because she might not see him again, she cries and screams when she watches John leave with her baby who is crying for her, she tries to follow but a needle pricks her skin and suddenly nothing matters but rest.

Stiles isn’t allowed to visit until both he and Claudia are able to see each other without causing a scene and upsetting the rest of the patients at the ward, not that it stops her son from trying to see her as proven when he one day skips school and takes the bus to see her, at first Claudia was able to just enjoy her sons company but then as John came she’d snapped not towards her son but John; and the worst part was she’d grabbed Stiles to her because John was still in his work clothes with gun and all she’s swiftly grabbed his gun and threatened to kill Stiles and herself so they could be together forever, and Claudia knows in her heart she’d meant it and the idea of killing her son in anger or desperation to stay with him frightens her enough that when Stiles continues to try and sneak in to see her she refuses to see him.

The separation is a difficult one especially when after each of Stiles attempts to see her or when John goes to see her but Stiles isn’t allowed yet they talk on the phone, hearing her son crying on the phone asking her why she didn’t want to see him had Claudia crying herself to sleep at night.

John does his best, she knows it by the way he comes to see her each day with a new card or a picture Stiles had made for her, at first he doesn’t tell her how badly Stiles takes their separation but then when John skips a visit and the another she drills him on it when he finally goes visit, he looks dreadful like someone had ripped him to pieces from the inside out and he just starts crying telling her how he feels like the worst parent and husband ever in the history of fathers and husbands because he’d failed Claudia and now he was failing Stiles; while she holds him gently John confesses how Stiles doesn’t eat and when he does he’s ends up throwing it all up, he talks about how Stiles had collapsed in class, and he tells her about all the nights Stiles wakes-up crying or because he’s wet the bed. Together they make the decision to get Stiles professional help.

Claudia throws however a perhaps unreasonable fit when John a few weeks later or perhaps a month tells her how Stiles is on anxiety medication and some other stuff because a part of her believes people are trying to poison her son.

~*~*~*~

Claudia knows she’s getting worse when it’s no longer just pens she drops but cups too as well as the books she’s trying to read on her good days when words make sense to her. On the days she can’t recall certain words she barely speaks when John visits, her silence however seems to be the key for John to bring their son over for visits again.

She hasn’t seen her son in nearly three months and she’s so excited that she lets one of the nurses help her brush her hair and get her into one of her favorite dresses, she doesn’t even feel for the first time in weeks ashamed of the diaper she’s now reduced to wearing. Claudia rushes over to her little boy when she sees him and John appear from behind the doors of the lift and her son who has grown leaps and bounds runs to her and throws his arms around her in such a way that tells her that her little light hasn’t stopped loving her yet, he doesn’t even protest when she peppers his bruise free face with kisses all he does is giggle.

Claudia can’t help it, when she sees John who stands at a distance but still close enough that if she turns on their child that he could pull Stiles to safety while the two orderlies that are watching over her are there for the same reason, Claudia says with an honestly grateful heart, `Thank you.´ and John just nods but he doesn’t relax not once during the visit neither do the orderlies.

Stiles tells her about everything and anything he can think off and she listens like she’s done every time during their phone calls but this time he’s seated in her lap and she’s holding him gently against her kissing the top of his head now and again, enjoying the closeness she’d missed.   
  
She puts on a brave face when it’s time for John and Stiles leave, and Stiles does the same but there are tears running down his cheeks as he hugs her goodbye and tells her she loves him.

`Mama loves you baby, mama will always love you.´ Claudia tells her son before letting him go, she stands there by the lift waving at her baby boy and wearing a smile that breaks the second the doors are closed, and she wonders how long she can take these goodbyes without them killing her.

~*~*~*~

She’s not certain how much time had passed since she’d fallen asleep with Stiles at her side but she knows they haven’t slept all that long, she hears John talking to one of the orderlies and one of the less rule-crazed nurses telling them he’d been called into work and that he had to go, but he can’t take Stiles with him but he would try and get one of his friends Melissa McCall to come and get him, the nurse with a southern accent assures him Stiles will be fine that they will keep an eye on him as well as Claudia.

Claudia feels her heart stutter slightly as she knows this could be her chance, her one and only chance.

John sneaks back into the room. Claudia pretends to still be sleeping when he kisses her brow and the Stiles’ before walking out the door.

It doesn’t take long before Claudia opens her eyes and looks down at the boy sleeping curled-up against her side, little mouth open and hands twitching. Claudia takes in the details of her son, she’s been locked away for two years now and he’s grown so much and it pains her to know she will miss out on so much when it comes to her son and his life. Claudia gently strokes the soft warm cheek of her darling boy and she’s happy they’d had a good day together since most days she’s in no shape to see him, some days she can’t let alone talk anywhere nearly sensibly enough, and she knows it hurts Stiles when she doesn’t recognize him or when she gets angry at him because she thinks he’s lying to her about being her son. Claudia knows he’s always a little afraid of her when he comes over for a visit, and since she’d attacked him last week she knows he has a reason to fear her.

Claudia breathes in the familiar soft scent of her little boy, and although she’s afraid of the unknown she also feels she needs to stop hurting John as well as their son by hanging on to a life that no longer was worth much to any of them, if anything the longer she lived the more of a weight she’d become on John’s shoulders; Stiles had let it slip John had sold his car as well as his bike, a few of his own mothers jewelry, and now Claudia feared she would cause her son and husband to become homeless.

She doesn’t want to die, she doesn’t want leave her baby boy but she’s done hurting him and his father. Claudia doesn’t want Stiles memories of her to be tainted with the monster she’d become, she’d rather die now before Stiles could no longer remember dancing in the summer rain with her or cuddling on the couch with a good book, she wants her son to remember the mother who built blanket forts where they could hide in when thunderstorms rolled over Beacon Hills, she doesn’t want him to remember her hitting him or calling him a monster, she wants him to remember her gentle touches and soft kisses and words of, `I love you baby.´ Claudia doesn’t want her son to lose the safety of a secure home a place where he could feel safe, she didn’t want him to lose the joy of having a backyard where he could run and play in.

Claudia doesn’t want John to work himself to the bone in an attempt to pay for her care she’d rather he’d spent the time with their baby, Claudia would rather John be around their little boy just to remind him he wasn’t alone in the cruel world that didn’t look kindly on those who didn’t fit into the norm. ¨

Claudia doesn’t want to die. She’s afraid of death like most mortals are, but she’s going to die anyway one day and parts of her have already started to decay and so she sets her mind on easing the suffering of those she loves.

Careful Claudia moves her son placing him so that he’s hugging her pillow before tucking him in carefully, she’s silent in her work and she cries quietly. Mindful not to do anything to draw attention to her, to awaken her son Claudia slips out of bed and kisses the little round cheeks of her son.

She takes the two letters she’s been hiding in the scrapbook she’d been making for her son, she’d scribbled down her words of goodbye and love before she lost the ability to write, she hasn’t been able to write anything on her own for over a year now which had deepened her depression but the last straw had been a couple of months ago when she realized she couldn’t read to her son even the simplest of children’s books leaving Stiles to read to her; they’d thought it would pass that she was just having a bad day but it hadn’t passed.

Claudia leaves the letter written on a piece of stationary next to the framed picture of her little family that sat beside her bed, as she looks at the image of her and John and their son who’d been around four years old in the picture she wished John could move on from her sooner rather than later because he was a good man and deserved to be happy; she also wishes that John would find someone who would love her son as much as Claudia did, she wanted Stiles to have the security of two loving parents.

The other letter meant for just her son was written behind the last thing she’d painted, it frankly looked like a little kid had made it, the sunrise simple and clumsy but she hoped Stiles would understand the meaning of it. She slips it between the pages of the book Stiles had been reading to her, the colorful images cheerful and bright.

  
Claudia’s heart if overtaken by fear as she leans down to kiss and nuzzle her baby boy who was snoring lightly against her pillow.

`Mama Loves you, and I will always love you.´ she whispers into the tiny ear she’d nearly ripped off a couple of months ago because of some reason she could no longer understand after that they’d upped her medication at least she thinks that’s what they’ve done as she feels more detached from reality these days.

With unsteady steps that have nothing to do with her condition Claudia makes her way into the small bathroom. Claudia turns around to look at her son who was still sleeping peacefully before closing the door just enough to give her some privacy, she leaves the door a jar checking a couple of times that she can still see her son from the spot she’d chosen to end her life at, she makes a simple noose off of the belt of her favorite bathrobe; she’s not a tall woman and so she has to stand on the toiled seat to reach the hook she’s not sure why it was there but at the same time it was a blessing to her, she ties the other end of the belt to the hook before slipping the noose around her neck.

Eyes  on the mirror the reflect the images of her sleeping son Claudia reminds herself once more why she had to end her life this way, she recalls all the times she’d hurt her son even with the trained eyes of the nurses looking at her interaction with Stiles there were still moments when the switch inside her was flipped, she recalls how she’d screamed obscenities at her son who’d just stood before her crying apologies, she thinks about her husband who shouldn’t spent the few days he had off from work with her in this dismal place risking getting hit if she turned on him and not their son, then again he got hurt even when she turned against their son.

`Please don’t wake-up baby. Please don't wake-up.´ Claudia thinks before she steps off of the toilet, the noose tightening around her long neck mercilessly. 


End file.
